


All That We See or Seem

by lovelivesinthedream



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:45:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelivesinthedream/pseuds/lovelivesinthedream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he fell asleep that night--legs tangled with Luhan's beneath the covers, arm around Luhan's waist and lips pressed against the back of Luhan's neck--Sehun had the fleeting thought that he no longer had anything to dream about. After all, how could dreams ever compare to the reality of Luhan embedded so deeply in his heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That We See or Seem

“I hate this class.” The red ink on his paper was too bright under the ugly florescent school lighting. He scoffed at a particularly large chunk of characters on the last page. “The teacher hates me. Look at this!”

“Then why are you here?” Zitao sighed heavily, easily catching the wrinkled ball of Sehun’s essay as it was tossed to him. He snorted out a laugh when he glanced over the pages. It was a mess.

Sehun groaned, dramatically draping himself over his desk. “A foreign language class was required and this was the only one with openings. My life is hell.”

Zitao closed his textbook with more force than entirely necessary and stared through narrowed, judging eyes. “You’re friends with three different people that fluently speak Chinese. How have you not picked up anything in the last four years? Do you ever listen to anything Yifan or Yixing or I say?”

Sehun shrugged. Why should he learn things that didn’t have any impact on his life? He had dancing, video games, friends and music. He had better ways to spend his time than deciphering strange writing and weird sounds.

He pouted, pushing his bottom lip into the perfect frown that he knew Zitao couldn’t resist.

“Can you translate the comments at the end, please? I want to know what kind of jokes the teacher is making at my expense.”

“You’re so dumb,” Zitao replied, but he was smiling fondly. “It just says that he needs to see you after class.”

Sehun fought the urge to bang his head against his desk. Traumatic injury was unlikely to get him out of it, and people already thought he was odd.

“Great,” he grumbled, burying his face in the crook of his arm as the room filled up with more students and class resumed. If he was going to get kicked out for being unable to understand basic Chinese anyway, he might as well take a nap. It wasn’t like it would hurt his grades. He smothered a giggle and closed his eyes.

 

*****

 

The library was not a place Sehun was accustomed to. He was one of the lucky people that naturally absorbed knowledge without studying; he was good at comprehending material he’d read over, remembering facts and numbers, understanding processes and theories. Tests weren’t an issue. He’d never had to put forth an effort.

Maybe that was why his newest class was causing such irritation.

Glaring down at the table he was waiting at and wishing it would turn into a futuristic gaming console instead of boring wood grains, Sehun was not prepared for the arrival of his new tutor.

“Hi!” an overly cheerful voice announced brightly. Large brown eyes widened even further, and the boy’s face clouded over with worry. “Ah, sorry. Am I interrupting some sort of ancient and very important Korean study ritual?”

Sehun stared blankly. Distantly, he noted that his mouth had fallen open, and his eyes were probably still set at an irritable glare, and his cheeks were turning bright red. In short, he was positive that he looked like an anti-social idiot.

“W-what?”

Wow, Oh Sehun. So eloquent.

“You looked pretty intense about your staring match with the table. I thought I might have interrupted something.” The boy’s eyes literally sparkled as he laughed into his hand. “Even though I’ve lived here for a while, I still don’t know all that much about South Korea. Maybe we’ll be able to teach each other.” Sehun felt his heart skip as the boy held out a hand to shake. “My name is Luhan. I’m twenty-three, a senior in college, and I’m-”

“Really hot.”

Oh, damn! Sehun hadn’t meant to say that out loud! Luhan laughed again, the sound instantly turning Sehun’s insides into a disco inferno. But he didn’t look angry or mean. He merely smiled and winked, causing Sehun’s face to turn a darker shade of red.

“It is a bit warm in here today,” Luhan said as he unzipped his hoodie and placed it over the back of his seat.

It was obvious that Sehun had meant it in the other way, but it was also obvious that Luhan was trying to save him from the embarrassment by pretending not to know.

He slammed his mouth shut before any other stupidity could escape, accidentally biting his tongue in the process, and hastily stood up to bow a late greeting. The boy smiled shyly and bowed back before situating himself in the seat across from Sehun.

Maybe failing Chinese 101 wasn’t so bad after all.

 

*****

 

Luhan and Sehun were awkward together at first. Luhan spoke Korean a lot better than Sehun could ever have hoped to speak Chinese, but there were still misunderstandings. Sometimes Sehun would use slang that Luhan would need explained to him. Sometimes Luhan would accidentally swear in Chinese and Sehun would add it to his list of favorite words to annoy Zitao with.

Sehun began to study for the first time in his life. Taking notes, making flashcards, and reading the textbook. He wanted to improve his grade before it brought down his average, that was true. But mostly, he didn’t want to disappoint Luhan. Whenever he answered a question correctly, Luhan’s face would light up. Whenever he completed a sentence with proper wording and tense, Luhan would reach over and pat him on the shoulder or ruffle his hair.

Making Luhan happy was something that became very important to Sehun.

Study sessions became coffee breaks. Coffee breaks turned into dinner dates. Dinner dates became movie nights. It wasn’t long before movie nights became, ‘Be my boyfriend, Sehunnie,’ and, ‘I thought I already was, dummy.’

After that it was easy to trace Luhan’s mouth with his own. It became Sehun’s goal to pull the words from Luhan’s lips, the correct pronunciation from his tongue, and the right tone from his throat. Kissing Luhan was a lesson in foreign language that Sehun planned to excel at or die trying.

It turned out that learning by osmosis that way wasn’t possible, but it was not from a lack of trying on Sehun’s part.

 

*****

 

The only time they had a disagreement was after Sehun had scored particularly well on a test.

Sehun’s teacher congratulated him on his improvement while handing back a paper in class. Sehun had looked down, hiding the blush on his face and the happiness in his eyes as he ignored Zitao chuckling beside him.

“You’ve really gotten much better since Luhan started tutoring you,” his teacher remarked proudly. He nudged Sehun good naturedly. “It must be in the family genes, right? I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

When he found out that Luhan was his Chinese teacher’s son, it had made sense, all things considered. There was the fact that they had the same family name, and similar features, and of course, the family portrait on his teacher’s desk.

Sehun was still shocked by the revelation even if it should have been obvious. Zitao had laughed and shook his head at Sehun. “You really don’t listen, do you?”

Apparently not.

Luhan had kissed away Sehun’s concerns about the matter. Why would it be a problem? Luhan’s family knew he was gay, and they supported him. Luhan went to a different college, and it wasn’t as if Luhan was in charge of grading Sehun’s papers. Sehun was a twenty year old college student and entirely capable of making his own decisions, even if they were sometimes ill-advised. The point was that Sehun and Luhan could date happily and without anyone trying to get in their way.

That was the first time that Sehun asked Luhan to stay the night.

 

*****

 

There were four different kinds of apples in front of him, and Sehun had no clue which kind to choose. It didn’t really matter to him, but he knew that Luhan had more specific tastes when it came to these things. Sighing, he picked up a red one and a green one and tried to decide which one felt more Luhan-ish.

A strange boy, short with dark hair and big eyes stopped beside him. At first Sehun tried to ignore it. He’d been stared at a lot since puberty when he’d gotten taller and his shoulders wider. He knew he was attractive, and it made him really uncomfortable when people looked at him like that. It was one of the many reasons that he tried to avoid people in general, and consequently, why people thought he was odd.

When a solid minute passed and the stranger continued to unabashedly stare, Sehun huffed and turned away. A hand pulled his shoulder back, not hard but firm, and the big-eyed stranger looked almost sad.

“The dream is ending soon.” The stranger’s voice was soft and distant, but his words were clear. Sehun stepped back and frowned.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

The stranger blinked slowly and shook his head. “It’s ending soon.”

Before Sehun could even try to process what that was supposed to mean, the stranger had already disappeared. Staring at the apples, mind racing with confusion, Sehun was surprised when Luhan jumped in front of him wiggling a box of condoms in his face.

“They’re banana flavored, Sehunnie! Banana flavored!”

Sehun laughed as a mother walked by with her two children and scowled at Luhan. As they turned the corner he heard the little boy ask if he could have a box of banana flavored balloons too. Giggling, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Luhan’s lips.

“What was that for?” Luhan asked, but he was smiling happily. Sehun felt something overwhelming and powerful building up in his chest whenever Luhan looked at him like that.

He leaned down and kissed Luhan again, lingering for a second longer. “Because you’re cute.”

Luhan rolled his eyes and pushed Sehun away, only to grab his hand and lace their fingers together. “I’m sexy, damn it. Not cute.”

“You’re both,” Sehun replied. He pretended not to see the blush coloring Luhan’s cheeks or turning the tips of Luhan’s ears pink as they continued shopping. By the time they got to the register, Sehun had forgotten all about the incident by the apples.

As Luhan loaded up their bags in the grocery cart, Sehun took out his wallet to pay. The cashier wasn’t someone that Sehun recognized despite shopping at the same store regularly. The boy behind the register stared at him with sad eyes. His long eyelashes brushed across his sharp cheeks, and even though his eyes looked morose, his lips were curved with a smirk.

Sehun brushed his hand over his face self-consciously. Maybe he had crumbs on his chin?

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

The cashier sighed and handed Sehun his change and receipt, looking at the paper pointedly. Sehun glanced down, wondering what the guy was acting so weird about. He almost dropped the receipt when he read it.

The dream is ending.

“Wha-”

When he glanced up, the cashier was already busy checking out the next customer’s groceries. Sehun balled the paper up in his fist and threw it in the garbage on the way out of the store. He didn’t know what it meant, but if it was some sort of joke, then it wasn’t funny.

He was quiet the whole way back to Luhan’s apartment. Luhan seemed to sense his unwillingness to talk because as soon as he started the car he turned on the radio and quietly sang along in the background. Sehun stared out the window at the dark sky listlessly, blank eyes not taking in any of the blurry scenery.

What did it mean? Were those people on drugs? Escaped mental patients? Was he on one of those hidden camera shows?

Sehun couldn’t help but feel like he was running out of time. He didn’t understand it, but the strangers at the store had rattled him with their words. It felt like he was standing on a ship that was about to go crashing over a waterfall and there was no way for him to stop it. It felt like-

His thoughts were brought to a halt as Luhan reached over and laced their fingers together. When he looked up, the red from the stop light turned Luhan’s face into startling shadows and distorted colors, but Luhan was smiling at him gently, mouthing the words to a Chinese pop song that Sehun had learned months ago to impress him. He felt himself smiling in response and singing along.

The crazy people at the store didn’t matter. Luhan was beside him, singing and smiling, and Sehun was happy. That was all that mattered.

 

*****

 

“I like you best like this,” Luhan mumbled later that night, lips brushing over skin teasingly with every word. Sehun covered his burning cheeks with his arm and groaned, playfully kicking Luhan away until his hyung was rolling over the edge of the bed and landing with a painful sounding thump on the floor.

“Never mind, brat,” he hissed as his head popped back into view. His hair stuck up in the back, honey brown strands falling messily all over. “I take it back. I don’t like you at all.”

Sehun smirked. The familiar heat that bubbled up his sternum and simmered near his heart made the embarrassment seem less important than it would have been in front of anyone else. He didn’t mind looking silly in front of Luhan if it made Luhan happy.

He crawled to the side of the bed and reached out to pull his boyfriend up. Luhan landed on top of him with a victorious shout, laughing as he tickled Sehun’s sides. Sehun rolled them, which was not easy because Luhan was deceptively strong, and placed his knees on either side of Luhan’s hips, pushing Luhan’s hands into the bed near his ears.

Breathing heavily, heart pounding, and smiling so widely it hurt his cheeks, Sehun placed a soft kiss on Luhan’s nose and then settled all of his weight on top of him. It wasn’t the most comfortable position ever, but he didn’t care as he placed his ear against Luhan’s chest and listened to the soothing sounds of his heart beat.

Luhan played with his hair with one hand and held him close with the other. They stayed like that for a long time, breathing each other in and out quietly.

“I like you best like this,” Luhan repeated softly.

“Like what?”

“This. Happy and silly.” He brushed the hair off Sehun’s forehead and trailed his fingers down Sehun’s back. “With me.”

Sehun felt close to bursting, the strong and overwhelming feeling rising and crashing and erupting in his chest. Shyly, he hid his face in Luhan’s neck. “I love you.”

Luhan stilled beneath him. His breathing paused and his heart seemed to freeze before tumbling in overdrive. He wrapped both arms around Sehun and squeezed tightly. “I love you too.”

When he fell asleep that night—legs tangled with Luhan’s beneath the covers, arm around Luhan’s waist and lips pressed against Luhan’s neck—Sehun had the fleeting thought that he no longer had anything to dream about.

After all, how could dreams compare to the reality of Luhan embedded so deeply in his heart?

 

*****

 

“Sehun? Can you hear me?”

The voice sounded muffled and far away, but Sehun definitely could hear his annoying friend. The question was how did Zitao get in Luhan’s apartment?

“Yes, dumbass. What’re you doing here?” He didn’t bother to open his eyes. The blankets were so warm and cozy and his head ached. Bed sounded like the best option for the day. Preferably, bed with Luhan and without Zitao.

But when he moved his arms, he couldn’t feel Luhan near him. In fact, the bed didn’t feel big enough to hold more than one person. Certainly not the queen sized bed that he’d fallen asleep in with his boyfriend last night.

Wearily, hissing against the pain it caused in his head, Sehun blinked open his eyes.

“I-I don’t understand….” He glanced around at the room, tastelessly decorated with cheap, plastic flowers and generic patterns.

Zitao was beside his bed, looking far more worried than Sehun had ever seen him. Joonmyun was behind Zitao, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder as he peered down at Sehun with concern. Kyungsoo, Jongin, and Baekhyun were arguing over a game of rock-paper-scissors. Yixing and Chanyeol were napping on a couch that was much too small for them. Kris and Jongdae were on their phones by the window.

Dread began to fill Sehun. “What’s going on? Is this a joke?”

Kris heard him and put away his phone, stepping over to the bed with his serious face firmly in place.

“Are you feeling okay? It was a pretty nasty fall that you took.”

Sehun frowned, not the patented pull of his lips that always got him his way, but a real grimace. He felt like he was suffocating. He knew these people, he was absolutely positive that he did, and yet it all felt wrong. He… how did he know anyone other than Zitao, Yixing, Kris and Luhan?

By this point, the others had noticed he was awake and began crowding around the bed too. Sehun’s breath got stuck in his throat painfully when he saw Kyungsoo staring at him with such sad eyes, and Jongdae’s jaw ticked in the way that it did when he was trying to hide emotion. Sehun recognized them, remembered seeing them at the grocery store where they told him creepy and terribly confusing things. What had they said?

The dream is ending.

“No. No, that’s not possible,” he muttered to himself, half-hysterical as he tried to get out of the bed. The blankets were trapping him, tying his legs together, and the I.V. in his arm held him in place.

“Calm down, Sehun-ah. It’s okay.” Joonmyun pushed past Zitao and brushed Sehun’s hair back from his face. “Everything is fine. One of the stage lights came loose and fell on you, and we were all so worried, but you’re okay now, Sehun-ah. You’re finally awake, and now everything will perfectly fine.”

As he spoke, the door opened and Minseok stepped in, hands laden with snack foods from the vending machine. Before the door closed, Luhan stumbled in, face flushed and lips swollen. Neither of them even glanced toward the bed as Luhan wrapped his arms around Minseok’s shoulders and whispered something in his ear that had the older boy blushing.

The monitor keeping track of Sehun’s heart rang alarmingly in the quiet room. It was embarrassing, so stupidly humiliating, and Sehun wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and go back to sleep. Minseok and Luhan rushed to the bed like everyone else, reaching out and asking how they could help.

Asking what was wrong and if he was hurt.

He tried, but the longer he was awake, the more he remembered and the further away the dream escaped.

He remembered his life as Oh Sehun, the maknae of EXO, instead of his life as Oh Sehun, the normal college student. He remembered going to the rehearsal for their comeback performance and a shout as something fell from the ceiling.

More than that, he remembered longing glances toward touches that used to come more easily, and a greedy need for smiles that hardly fluttered in his direction anymore. He remembered wanting so badly that it physically ached.

 

No, Sehun was awake, but Joonmyun was wrong. Everything would never be perfect again.


End file.
